In this first episode of Charlie’s Note to Self, I talk about why I decided to start this podcast and why now felt like the right time. I recorded this during a winter storm, which felt fitting — everything outside was quiet and uncertain, and that matched where my head was at when I sat down at the mic.
This podcast isn’t something I’m doing for an audience. It’s something I’m doing for myself. I’ve wanted to podcast for a long time, and I’ve done it before with co-hosts, but this is the first time I’ve done something like this completely on my own. That’s harder, more uncomfortable, and more vulnerable — but that’s also why it feels important.
I talk about what I’m hoping to get out of this process and outline the season ahead, including episodes about music, the things I collect (especially Masters of the Universe), thrifting, hobbies I’ve tried over the years, Dungeons & Dragons, living in a small town, budgeting and money, and the difference between who I am online and who I am in real life. Toward the end of the season, I want to reflect on what I’ve learned and see if this has helped me feel more confident and more at ease with myself.
I also spend time talking about boundaries, self-esteem, and the habit of taking on too much to make other people happy. I’ve been told more times than I can count that I’m “too much,” and this podcast is part of me learning not to apologize for who I am or shrink myself to fit someone else’s comfort.
My intention with this podcast is to be honest, to be kind to myself, and to let myself exist without constantly second-guessing or apologizing. I don’t need to be perfect — I just need to show up and tell the truth, even if the only person listening is future me.
Transcription:
Speaker: Hey, everyone, welcome to Charlie’s. Note to self podcast. Happy New Year and welcome to episode one entitled why am I Doing This? I figure what better time to start this than during a winter storm? We actually are reported to get about twenty four to thirty six inches of snow, so we’ll kind of see what happens. It’s been wrong every other time, so hopefully it’s it’s wrong again. So, uh, the purpose of this podcast, um, basically I’ve been wanting to podcast for a really long time. Um, I’ve had a few successful and non-successful podcasts in the past, um, worked with a bunch of great people. Um, I’ve also been wanting to kind of look into myself and do something for myself and better myself. So I thought, what better way to do this than as a podcast? And um, really not not doing this podcast for an audience. I’m really doing it for myself. I think what really sets this podcast apart from ones I’ve done in the past is the fact that I’ve always done it with a co-host, and it’s a million times easier to have someone to bounce chit chat back with and not, you know, really have to come up with everything on your own. But I think a lot of this too is me kind of talking to myself. Me kind of figuring things out as I go along. So I think that it would really wouldn’t be as effective of a tool for myself if I was doing this with a co-host. There definitely is a possibility down the road that, based on how this works or what happens, that it may transition into that or may may spin up a different idea with a with a co-host. So that is an option that I’ve been considering. Um, but definitely doing this way makes me feel very open and vulnerable, and it definitely is difficult to do. And I honestly have kind of sat here in front of this microphone for a good ninety minutes trying to put together what I’m going to say and what I don’t want to say, and really break it all down into what it’s going to be. Um, but really it is just kind of what’s what’s on my mind, what’s what’s happening. Um, moving forward, there will be some themed episodes. Um, actually, I have twelve episodes outlined. Um, this is the first one, obviously. Um, there’s going to be one about music. There’s going to be one about some of the random things that I collect a specific one on Masters of the universe, because I’ve spent a good amount of money on Masters of the universe, so that kind of deserves its own episode. Uh, Thrifting is another episode. Hobbies that I’ve tried over the years. There’s definitely a lot of those that might actually be a really long episode. Um, Dungeons and Dragons is one of the things that I wanted to talk about. Um, which actually is a big vulnerability of mine. So that is going to be an interesting episode as well, an episode about living in a small town, about budgeting and money, about the internet, me versus the real me, which I think really kind of was centralized around the fact that I was doing those dad joke videos a couple years ago, which I really wanted to kind of give it another reboot of that and kind of get that going, because I did enjoy that until it kind of felt like a part time job. Um, but that that element of me as well as like past podcast elements of me, um, episode eleven things I like about me will be interesting, especially after going through ten episodes and getting some idea of what I where I’m at at that point. And then the final episode would be what I’ve learned talking to myself. So that’ll be kind of a summary of of the process. And really, if I feel more confident, if I sound more confident, um, I’m definitely looking for feedback as I work through this. Um, one of the quotes that I found interesting is, is that criticism is looking for what’s broken. And reflection is looking at what’s there, and that there is a difference between the two. And I think, honestly, I’m looking for a little bit of both compliments. You know, if you love it, tell me you love it. If you hate it, tell me you hate it. Um, I’m not going to change anything based on feedback. Really. Because really it is for me. Um, but if there are other suggestions at all, you know, I’m I’m willing to listen to whatever, whatever people have to say. So definitely comment if you have comments or questions or anything like that. Um, part of me working through this is to be able to make myself more comfortable in my own skin. Um, it isn’t really just about going out there and talking about things like that. It’s about. Being strong enough in my own will to to really do what I want to do, like to, to be myself. Um, a lot of times things will happen that will push me towards wanting to do something for someone really, just to to make them happier. And sometimes I feel like I burn myself out doing that. So I really am working towards kind of building my own, like self-esteem, like making figuring out what I want and being able to do what I want to make myself happy. Um, in the past, I’ve been told that I’m too much. Multiple times. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been told that I’m too much. Especially from like, a dating aspect. It’s really been something that’s caused me a lot of anxiety when it comes to that. Um, but I don’t want to have to change for other people. And really, if that’s the case, then that that person really doesn’t need to be in my life if I am too much for them, if it’s if it’s that much of a pain for them, then I don’t want to be that person. Another kind of example of what I’m working towards is in the past, um, an example of this in the past, at a previous employer, when projects would come out and different things would come out, I was always Volunteering and always like, yes, yes, I’ll, I’ll add that to my plate. I’ll do that. I’ll do this, I’ll do that. And I kept adding things on and adding things on and, and really just to make the other person happy, make my boss happy, to make the team happy. And I would take so much on that it would overwhelm me and then I would be stressed and frustrated. So part of that, um, falls into another quote that I found here that says letting myself exist without apologizing so that I can do what I want to do and not feel guilty. I can say, no, I can’t do that right now. I’m too busy. I don’t have to feel like I’m hurting the person by saying no, because if I say yes, I’m going to hurt myself. So that’s definitely one of the things that I want to want to work on for myself as well. Um, I set up a few intentions for the podcast. Um, the big one here is to not tailor it towards anyone except myself. Definitely will take suggestions and especially technical stuff like I love to make it sound better, work better or whatever. Um, from that aspect, but it’s not something that I’m looking to. I’m not looking to change myself or change my process for somebody else, unless it’s going to benefit myself in some way. And the other intention is to be as kind to myself as I would to a friend. If I was recording this, talking about someone else, I would want to be as kind to myself as I would to them. So, um, that’s kind of what I’m what I’m working on. This is definitely going to be a shorter episode, because there isn’t really necessarily a topic other than the introduction. Um, really just trying to make myself a better person, trying to learn more about myself, trying to be more open, be comfortable in my own skin. So if you are listening to this, even if the you that I’m speaking to is just future me. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being there. Um, we don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be honest. And I’m going to get started assembling some music for the music episode that’s coming up next. So, uh, try to stay warm and dry out there despite all this winter weather. And hopefully I’ll see you on episode two.
